Get to know me.

I realised there's not many people that really know who I am, or know about the little strange things in my life. I'm pretty average, but everyone has their weird and wonderful things that makes them them. So here's a.. brief-ish description.

My name's Kayleigh. I'm Seventeen. It's cliche, but my best friends are Kelsey-Leigh, Megan, Jamie , Matthew, and Hannah. Without these people, life would be weirder than it is already. I have three cats, a dog and a rabbit. I love acoustic music, but my taste can vary, and I'm willing to give anything a chance. When I was born, I was known as Samantha to my family, then my mum decided two days in that she didn't like it, and so my birth certificate was changed. I find it extremely hard to trust people, which makes me appear shy when I first get to know you. I believe that experiences lead to maturity, rather than your age. I was more mature than some people my age when I was eight. I can fake a smile like it's the easiest thing on earth to do. I won't tell people the big things that bother me. There's only two people I trust completely in this whole world, and that's because they've earned it. I miss people quickly, but I don't fall easily. If I tell you I love you I mean it. I don't believe they are words to just be thrown around. I am paranoid, and I do read into things way too much. My mind thinks its that of a detective, and fits pieces together, although I'm usually right, sometimes it's incredibly wrong. I don't think I could stand being alone for a long period of time. Two days is bad enough. I can't wait to be twenty one with qualifications just so I can get out of here and do something interesting and new. I get bored of life quickly. I dislike change, unless its a huge change. I have days where a dead leaf could make me cry. They happen quite frequently lately. I'm sensitive, and I hate myself, literally. I don't feel like I deserve pity, because there's other people out there worse off than me. Simply because they don't have the friends and family I have.

What happened to taking me to neverland?

I'm starting to grow up. I've changed. I don't like part of the change, but I'm growing up, and that has to be for the best right?

The heart wants what it wants.

I think the worst feeling in the world is hunger. Whether it be hunger for food, or hunger for a certain thing, we need to grasp what it is that will fill that empty space. The missing piece of the puzzle, that one part that completes us, because without that part completing us, we are lifeless. We can not achieve what we are meant to in life. That piece may be dangled over a river filled with crocodiles, but you have to reach it. Don't put obstacles in the way of opportunities. Maybe you've had that piece and lost it so many times. It does not matter. If you realise that it fills that gap, you reach for it, and hold onto it. Tightly. Before someone else does. Because opportunity does not hang around forever. Eventually that string will snap.

Today has never happened before.

Goodbye really is one of the hardest things to say. I'm gonna miss that little ball of fluff. She's been there since I was fourish. Oh well, it's cruel keeping her alive. She'll be fine now. Rest in peace Sindy. You rule. Haha, I'm sad. On the plus side, he's living five minutes away instead of forty now. Wednesday was a pretty great day overall, the little conversations we had about silly little things. I think things are going to look up again, even though the bottle is empty now. Next weekend will be beautiful, with beautiful people, and hopefully, beautiful weather. Let's just wait and see, and pray for sunshine.

"You can catch me, don't you run. Don't you run."

Today is going to be a lazy day of starvation, and smiles. I'm going to make the most of this sunshine, around the company of friends, as my family go out and party tonight. I should be reading novels ready for my english exam, but I'd rather not. How dare A level english destroy reading for me. How dare it. I'm looking forward to doing full time media next year, have a break from Baglow's face, and the burden of philosophy. Although, I hope I pass these exams.

Thankyou.

I find it funny how we forget our main inspirations. When you look inside an album cover, at the thanks section, you read all the people who inspired the artist during the making of the album. If I had to write a thank you to all the people who have inspired me throughout the making of me, this would be it.

Thankyou: Mum, for being the best mum possible in certain situations, Dad, for being the best dad possible from a distance, Geeg, for being the person i got to argue with every day, but could also cry to when I needed to. Him, for making me learn not to hate people, even in extremely bad situations. You also made me good at keeping secrets. To Natacha, for being a pretty amazing friend, and laughing with me and at me, about stupid little things, and for being my shoulder to cry on at hard times. To Jamie, for always being there, for a laugh, or for one of your hugs. And for plank, of course. To Matthew, for providing me with the giggle fits on a friday night, and saving my life constantly on WoW. We argue a lot, but you still mean a damn lot to me. To Kelsey-Leigh, for being my bitching buddy, because every girl needs a good bitch, oh, and for buying me a mini milk, and just being you. To Richard, for being so cuddly, and making me smile without even trying. You rule. To Hannah, for being one of those people that's stuck by me through thick and thin, and hopefully always will be there to make me giggle. To Stuart, for being my best acquaintance through two of the hardest years of my life, providing me with good music, and a whole new dose of nerdyness. Don't ever change. Any of you. Please.

To help us grow.

A pretty good song, from a pretty good film.

Goodnight, Goodmorning.

I love it when you have a good night. You wake up with your messy hair, and your big panda eyes, but the most important feature of your face that morning is your smile. That smile that just won't go away. It refuses. It puts up an endless fight. I think I'm a morning person now.

We share the same sky.

"And then I feel as if I'm witnessing a miracle, as ever so slowly she raises her face towards the moon. I watch her drink in the sight, sensing the flood of memories she's unleashed and wanting nothing more than to let her know I'm here. But instead I stay where I am and stare up at the moon as well. And for the briefest instant, it almost feels like we're together again."

Childish revelations.

I hate it when you watch something that you used to watch when you were a child, and one of the characters reminds you of someone from your past. However, it happened to me yesterday, and this time it was about someone in my present. I've always loved this certain character. No one understands why. He just seems like a perfect kinda guy, (Ah that rhymed), but yeah. I watched the episode where, you know, the girl FINALLY realises maybe she likes the guy too, and blahdee blah blah. And it made me think, but then i found myself thinking of someone else. And snapped back to the reality I've wanted for a very long time. Who cares if life's not what you expected it to be when you were a child, and you don't get to be with the guy from the little screen. I'm pretty happy with mine, and my guy. He's not perfect, but for me he is. We shouldn't compare people to fictional characters, or to people who are too good to be non-fiction.

Summery spring days.

Hello sunshine, it's nice to have spent the week with you. A picnic with a few good friends sounds like a good idea right about now. Let's see how this plans out.

It's true. I feel rather awful. I love you pharmacists and doctors.

Lazy days are the best days.

I remember this phase I was going through last year. Everytime I would go out for the day, I would buy a book. It ended up me running out of shelf space. They are now all rammed within my wardrobe. I need a new book. I think I may just complete my Nicholas Sparks collection. Hmm.

"You like the smiths?"

Lyrical heaven.

The best moments of my life have been there. On that stage. The piano starts, the lights dim, and it's just me in a room of nothingness. My foot starts to tap the steady rhythms. My knees quake, my voice shaky. Then I think of something else, and the lyrics leave my mouth like set on automatic. When I go to concerts I envy the people on stage. I know how that feels. The silence as that last note fades. The uncertainty of whether or not it's over. Snapping back to reality, as you exit, that huge grin on your face. There's nothing like it. I want to be that person.

What a day.

Today, 15th of April, 2010, it was announced that Matthew Hobbs' Dps was 900 at the low level of 60 (apparently anyway). That is not why I created this post. I created this post because the sun is shining, Joshua Radin is number 11 in the damn charts, and life is sweet. Now I need to see my boyfriend please.

Reminds me of home.

I can't wait to get out of here. Make a life of my own. My house will be a home, with photographs on every wall, an acoustic in every room, dim lightbulbs, a snazzy toaster, cups of tea, wine glasses scattered, polite get togethers every weekend, a tree swing in the garden, a house filled with laughter. A house built on love. His and my shoes by the door, his coat covering mine. Tee-shirts scrumpled on the bedroom floor, soft music playing throughout the building. A river out the back, which we sit by in the summer. Fairy lights enlaced through the banister. Memories align the mantle piece. Fingertips trace the soft petals of the flowers in the many vases. And in the rain, we'll sit inside and breathe in the air of our home.

I think we're gonna make it.

It hasn't felt like this before.

It hasn't felt like home before you, and I know it's easy to say, but it's harder to feel this way.



Ps. Hannah. Chill. And GL. (: x

I'm standing in anonymous fear.

.

Some people say that every child is born with two fears. One is falling from a great height, a fear of free falling. The other is being left alone. I read that ages ago, I can't remember where, but it stuck in my head. I also remember someone once talking me through my own fears, which included abandonment. She told me that the letters F E A R stood for something. False expectations appearing real. Have you ever just randomly assumed something, maybe through paranoia, or you just had that "gut" instinct? It happens to the best of us, but when I get scared, that always pops into my mind. Most things we fear, such as a bridge collapsing while we walk over it, is unlikely, so it is exactly that, a false expectation. Another person once said to me, bravery does not exist without fear, which is perfectly true. How can you be brave, when there's nothing to be brave about? I think I need to remember those things more. The amount of nights I lose of sleep because of a false expectation of something to come. I need to conquer my fears, and vanquish them. Fear gets in the way of too many things in a lifetime. It's time that bravery kicked in. Think of the things we would be lacking without the bravery of certain people. Our country may not have been like this if it wasn't for the bravery of those people who fought for us. The scientist that created electricity could have lacked the bravery to experiment and try new things, and we could still be using fire to light up our homes. Bravery is the main source of our lifestyle. We just choose to defy it.

J'adore toi.

I love that moment where all the song lyrics finally make sense. I can completely understand fearing someone won't fall in the same way you do. I also hate the telephone, but wish a certain someone would call. It's that moment where lyrics of love make sense that you realise you've found someone that means more to you than you originally gathered. But with that moment of bliss comes a moment of sincere fright, that sickening feeling in your stomach where something terrible is going to happen. He scares me when I'm not with him, yet when I see him, it's like everything's come together for the first time in my life. You could call this bull. But my true friends know that I find it hard to be comfortable around people like him. I've never acted the way I act when I'm with him. I've never felt safe before. He makes me want to blast music into my head, like a movie soundtrack and think of the good times. I may only be seventeen, and it may not have officially been that long, but I know I've been secretly building up this feeling for years. I hope the lyrics keep making sense, and imprint on my mind. They say that every person that touches your life leaves a fingerprint forever. I don't want a fingerprint. I want the lines of the palms of certain people's hands. A mere fingerprint is not enough. Considering I've been drinking whiskey, this is the first blog that's been completely accurate in what seems like forever. I guess drunken minds really do speak sober hearts. Don't ever leave me, because, and I quote, part of the beauty of falling in love with you is the fear you won't fall.

Yes.

I'm fine.
No estic bé.
Ek is nie n boete.
Hindi ako pagmultahin.
我不罚款

I love this city tonight, I love this city always.

.


I finally realise how people can fall in love with a place. Besides the scary underground trains, London amazed me. Yes, I've been there many times before, but never seen it in sunshine, or listened to Joshua Radin there. I was sat in the same room as my favourite actor, and favourite music artist. Seventeen may be a beautiful age.

Penblwydd Hapus.

Happy birthday to me. Seventeen I will be.

I could've saved so much time.

I'm slightly devastated at the fact I may not get to go see Joshua Radin on the 8th. However, I would much rather my sister get better. I would also much rather see Richard. I can't wait to be surrounded by my friends. I'm in a need of a good cuddle and giggles. I also need sleep, as my head is hurting like a bitch. I feel like an insomniac at the moment, and no, I did not just quote that from "Fireflies". I swear. Happy birthday to me in 3 hours and 15 minutes. Hell yes.

A disco ball is just hanging by a thread.

I really want to have a party. With all my friends. Please? I'm going to miss one of my friends this birthday. They need to come back home. You know who you are. How dare you take the party with you! Here's to another birthday. One day and 44 minutes to go. Let's hope seventeen is peaceful.

Rain, rain, go away.

From the title I'm guessing you can judge that it's raining. Typical rainy Wales. I really want to go out and see him. Oh well, two days until I'm seventeen. My sister's currently in hospital, which seems to be getting in the way of things a lot more than I thought they would. I wish I would grow some courage. I think I need to take a trip to the Wizard of Oz. So I'm just going to sit around and wait for a text. Its what I do most days. Now, rain, go away. Please.

Love is friendship on fire.

My life consists of three things. My friends. They are top priority. They're the people I would drop the world for if they needed me too. Second is him. However I thought that one through, as he's a friend too. So he comes first and second. Third is college. Yeah, I hate that part too. But when I become a full time media student next year, things will improve. I need to start singing again. Fact.

Bliss and fear.

Things always get confusing when that four letter word comes into play. He's met the "parent", things are swell. I miss him quickly, and look forward to seeing him whenever I get to. I hope this goes well. I hope that word doesn't come into play for a while. Even if we grow to feel it.

I wasn't comfortable being anyone's anything.

But then I found you.